The Tale of Two Sues and how they were actually u
by Selkit-Guardian
Summary: A pure crack!fic with a Harry/Draco pairing. How can Sues be useful? Read to findout! The title should tell you enough abut what the summary is. Full title: The Tale of Two Sues and how they were actually useful


**The Tale of Two Sues (and how they were actually useful)**

**AN: READ THE AUTHORS NOTE AT THE END BEFORE YOU BECOME OFFENDED BY THE WAY ANY OF THE CHARACTERS ARE PORTRAYED. THE NOTE WILL EXPLAIN EVERYTHING.**

The day that the two Sues arrived at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was just like any other day. The birds were singing, the sun was shining, the Weasley twins were pranking, and Hogwarts was about to be turned on it's ear.

The first to enter the scene was our Most Hated Mary-Sue, Diamond Moondust. With her long metallic silver hair with its metallic gold highlights and her glowing purple eyes, there was no better fit in appearance for the title Mary-Sue. But what of her personality, her abilities? Well, for starters, she was the most powerful witch in the world and descended from the oldest pureblood family in the world! It would do you no good to look for the rest of her family, however; they were tragically killed off by Death Eaters who feared that Diamond Moondust would one day grow up to be stronger than the Dark Lord; of course there was a prophecy to tell them that she would. But, because she was so strong, she escaped!

Diamond Moondust smiled as she stood in the Entrance Hall. Why, with her Veela powers, all the males of Hogwarts would fall in love with her! Even the ones who already had boyfriends. As a matter of fact, Harry Potter would take one look at her and fall so deeply in love that Voldemort would be killed by the force of it, dieing through the connection he shared with Harry Potter! Of course all of the female characters would be jealous of her, but none of them would be able to hate her because she was just too pure and powerful; they would all line up to be her best friend but at the same time always feel insecure and lesser than her. And they should; she was Draco Malfoy's little sister, or his half sister to be more correct; somehow, even though the Malfoy family has some of the strongest family ties in the Wizarding World, Lucius Malfoy still had time to go out and cheat with another woman and get her pregnant; it wasn't her fault, however, shewas just to beautiful to resist and the Senior Malfoy disowned the child anyway.

As our Most Hated Mary-Sue contemplated entering, out Most Hated Gary-Stu walked up beside her. With his shoulder length black hair and violet eyes, he was the perfect male. His name was Damian Zane Gryffindor-Slytherin-Ravenclaw-Hufflepuff. As you may be able to infer from his name, he is the heir to all four of the Hogwarts Houses. Of course all of the female characters would fall in love with him and compete to be his girlfriend! All of the males would wish they were him. They would all follow him around, trying to be exactly like him. After all, along with being the heir to all four houses, he was also heir to the throne of the Vampires, Elves, and Veela. He was also a Parseltongue and had control over every elemental power and magical creature. And of course he was Harry Potter's older and more powerful brother.

He stepped up beside Diamond Moondust and the two sues entered the Great Hall.

All eyes were on the newcomers. Silence fell as even the teachers became enamored. And then, chaos erupted.

Ginny Weasley, The Great Ginger Whore of Gryffindor, the Girl Who Had Slept With Half of Hogwarts, leapt from her seat and flung herself at the Gary-Stu, shedding clothes as she moved.

Pansy Parkinson, the Sensuous Slytherin Slut, jumped from her seat to join her.

Lavender Brown, the Pink Frill Queen, assisted Hermione Granger, the Know It All Bookworm, in dragging the Stu to the ground, where he disappeared from view under the sea of girls.

The Mary Sue, meanwhile, sauntered over to comfort Ron, The Jealous Friend, acting submissive and devoted. Neville, The Kinky Clutz, and Seamus, The Irish Man Whore, watched on with an all-burning jealousy. The redhead pounced on her, followed by all of the boys in the Hall. Well, almost all…

Draco Malfoy stared blankly at the two mountains of people piled in the room, listening to the screams of the sues. Were they all idiots? Who would want a sue? They would get so boring and annoying after like...ten seconds… no, maybe it was like two seconds… whatever.

Spotting Harry Potter, The Boy-Who-Just-Would-Not-Die-Already, sitting at the Gryffindor table and watching the carnage unfold, he stood up with his usual Malfoy grace and stalked over to the emerald eyed teen.

Big green eyes watched his approach with a look of mild interest as the mercury eyed teen approached. For a few seconds, all was silent except for the screams of every other person in the room.

"So… want to go somewhere and snog?"

Emerald eyes widened before a smirk appeared on the Golden Boys face. "About time! I was wondering when you were going to finally ask me. Wow, what do you know, Sues have a use after all."

And the two teens exited the hall to go snog and do some… other activities.

Somehow all of those activities were recorded and sent to all the Harry/ Draco fangirls around the world, who began to hyperventilate when they realized what they had been sent.

**AN: And all the fangirls passed out from blood loss. Except for the author. She knew this was coming and had transfusions waiting beforehand. ^_^**

**~*~**

**Now, on to the explanations for this story. This is the product of too much sugar, fanfics, and fanfics with Mary-Sues! Thus, this is what I did.**

**Step 1: Find the most popular pairing. The most popular pairing for Harry Potter is Harry/ Draco. Yay, because this is my favorite one!**

**Step 2: Research how the characters are normally portrayed. Then exaggerate them!**

**Step 3: *Cries* Make… *sobs*… SUES!!!**

**~*~**

**Hm… about the characters… they were made how they were most often made in fanfics, just exaggerated! These are NOT my opinions about them, so don't flame me for them!**

**Ginny Weasley aka "The Great Ginger Whore of Gryffindor" : In most stories, she is the slut who sleeps with everyone or betrays them. She is the one who slips Harry Potter a love potion or is an obsessive stalker who annoys him and gets in the way of him and whoever he is with, or the one who tries (and in the end fails) to get between them. This is not all of the stories, just most of the ones I've read!**

**Pansy Parkinson aka "The Sensuous Slytherin Slut"; This one was tough. In half of the fanfics she acts as Draco Malfoy's protective older sister. In the other half she is the slut who tries to get him to sleep with her and never stops whining or screeching. For this fanfic though, it made more sense to go with the slut persona.**

**Lavender Brown aka "The Pink Frill Queen" :You won't get this if you haven't seen the sixth movie. I know it was just in the movie, but it was too funny to not use.**

**Hermione Granger aka "The Know It All Bookworm" : Hermoine tends to have one of three roles in fanfics. 1) the brilliant older sister to Harry. 2) The one who is never seen until the end and then appears to explain all of the plots and twists that occurred during the course of the story. 3) The bossy know-it-all who thinks she knows better but is **_**very**_** wrong and in the end looks like a horrible person. Either way, she is a know-it-all in all three.**

**Ron Weasley aka "The Jealous Friend" : He tend to be the jealous friend with a horrible temper who makes a prat of himself.**

**Neville aka "The Kinky Clutz" : Somehow, Neville is always portrayed as being very kinky underneath that clutzy exterior…**

**Seamus aka "The Irish Man Whore" : I have yet to find a fanfic where he is not a slut. He is a nice slut in like 95 percent of them, but still a slut. So there.**


End file.
